Compassion Fatigue

I'm working this afternoon, tedious things to catch up on like updating calendars for my volunteer teams. It feels as if every single podcast has been listened to, every single musician I can think of is worn out, so I finally began this week's episode of Speaking of Faith. I'd been putting it off because it's about the environment and faith, something I care deeply about, but I couldn't find the energy to listen to. So, I reluctantly pushed play and about 10 minutes in realized what a bad idea it was.

The man being interviewed, who I'm sure is brilliant and inspiring, said the words "compassion fatigue," and my ears perked up. That is exactly how I feel right now. When people ask me how work is going, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it, and it's hard for me to verbalize the layered feelings I have toward it. It seems like every single thing that could go wrong in the world is, and I'm such a little part of the world and can't fix it. But knowing that these problems exist weighs heavy on your soul. I chose the career I did because I want to help people, and I want to do something about the injustices of the world. Colleagues and workshops are constantly warning about burn out. I'm feeling it.

I'm trying really hard to put into practice the concept from yoga of focusing on the moment at hand and what we can actually do at the time. I'm trying to enjoy the quiet while driving in my car, the taste of food I eat, the time with friends and family I spend, the moments with God in prayer. I can't fix everything. Thinking like that wrongfully takes that power from the divine and puts it in my hands. There are little pieces I can work hard to help with.

Some people have learned how to balance very gracefully family and friends and their own well-being with a life's work focused on helping, and I want to learn to do this better. A man I really admire who works so hard to build affordable housing said, "If I only focus on taking care of the community that is hurting, I'm creating another one at home."

So, I'm going to listen to a podcast about food now as I update calendars. And, not one about food politics or food sustainability or what food is bad for us.