Thankful for the mat cleaner at Bubbles

Looking back, I think it might be close to a year (?!) since the last time I got my car washed.  It rains and I park outside, it's been too hot, I need to take the big things in the house first, the car wash attendants are gone by the evening... You know, lots of reasons.  I finally broke down and went to Bubbles today on my lunch break.  Bubbles is my favorite because 1. It's close, 2. It cleans pretty well, 3. You get to use the vacuums for free for as long as you need.

There was a sign in the carwash that said, "Free mat cleaner by the vending area."  So, I drove over to check it out.  It was free, so what was there to lose?  There stood a little machine with a wide, skinny mouth, a Start button, and an Emergency Stop button.  I pushed start, slipped my floor mat in, steam started rolling out as the mat was sucked through, and out my mats popped the cleanest I've ever seen them, all within a few seconds.

Thankful for a room of my own

I am thankful for having an office with a door that closes, that is cutely decorated and has a big mid century desk, on the 20th floor of downtown with a fabulous view.  Working at a nonprofit, I thought it would be years if not decades before I had an office rather than a cubicle, and I feel so grateful for this luxury.  Sitting in a cubicle surrounded by constant distractions was a huge struggle for me in being productive and focusing my mind.  Much of my time is spent in meetings talking and talking, and it's a welcome retreat to be able to shut my door and focus on my little piece of work.  Thank you God for an office.

Blog Design for Adoption

Hey, blog friends! I don't know if y'all already are connected with someone who designs your blog layout, but this woman and her husband are adopting their second baby from Ethiopia. The money she makes designing these cute blogs will help fund their adoption!

Blog Design Website http://lcgraphicdesigns.blogspot.com/

Her own sweet blog http://www.laurencasper.com/

Living the questions

When I was a preeschooler, I idolized the teenagers at my church, having a crush on one of them and constantly asking my mom, "Do you think Rus Horn likes this kind of chip?" and other questions that would indicate we were soul mates. I also went on imaginary dates to the Olive Garden where I drank Diet Coke and went skiing with my fake boyfriend Steve Olympic. In third grade, after years of watching Saved by the Bell, I lead my friends in pretending that we were really in college while at school, not spending our days learning multiplication. As a ninth grader, I dreamed of being a human rights attorney and working on behalf of women who whose lives were at risk of being destroyed by their governments or neighbors.

My natural way of thinking is to live in the future. I'm a planner, and I fall into dreaming about the good and beautiful life I will have in the next couple of years or next ten years. This personality is not always a negative thing--it helps me be strategic in my work and I am proud to have pursued a career in social advocacy, even though I later realized there are many more options than being a human rights attorney.

I can so easily get caught up in what might happen next, though, that I don't fully live in the present. There are probably not many people who feel comfortable with uncertainty, with the fear of pain that could come from things not going our way. It's obvious, though, that my plans are sometimes short-sighted. I have, thankfully, never been on a date to the Olive Garden and ordered Diet Coke--my idea of a glamorous date has changed over the years.

This week, I am trying to be intentional about living in the present, enjoying this time, and not being fearful of the future or jumping the gun to conclude things that I'm not ready to have an answer for.

My friend Katie posted this quote from Rainer Maria Rilke, and I really love it.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, as if they were rooms yet to enter or books written in a foreign language. Don't dig for answers that cannot be given yet: you cannot live them now. The point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Doesn't that make uncertainty sound so much more beautiful?

Good to Be Crazy

"If nothing else, what Dan and I have learned over the last year is this: if you're clinging too tightly to your things, to your plans, to your comfort and convenience, to your idea of what your family should look like -- God cannot move in your life."

God is reveling in this family's story of doing the brave, crazy things we were made to do for our neighbors. What can this be in my life?

http://www.goodtobecrazy.com/2011/01/once-upon-time.html

House Tour

My cousin Davis is going to make some pretty pottery for my house (can't wait!), and wants to see pictures since he hasn't been here. So, I thought I might as well stick them up here so he can refer back.

These are some of my

favorite flowers on the porch, but they're not holding up too well in this dry heat.

My little living room

Dining Room

Kitchen (with my cute rug that I bought with Aunt Jana's Pier 1 gift card)

Messy bedroom

And the details...

Fabric of bedroom drapes

Living room art

Dining room art

And last, but not least, my mermaid bag!

Summer Goals

I'm copying my friend Clara and coming up with some goals for the summer! Five are ones I came up with, and five are taken from Clara's friend's options.

1. Learn how to shuffle cards. (DONE! My card-playing grandparents and aunt taught me the right way when I was home last weekend.)

2. Take an Austin trip!

3. Make this cake http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/carrot-cake-recipe.html

4. Go to at least three concerts

5. Take the Inprint writing class (I had my first one last Wednesday, and I love it so far)

and from Clara's friend...

6. Make popsicles (I saw a recipe for plain greek yogurt with jam.. it's gonna happen!)

7. Give a surprise bouquet of flowers to a friend

8. Host a summer dinner party

9. Have a picnic (hello, Miller Outdoor Theatre!)

10. Make my own art

Things I Like

I like how older Texans say, "I'm proud for you" instead of "I'm proud of you."

Baron Batch played football with my brother Collin in high school. He has a brother my age, and I knew for some reason that their siblings lived with other families. Baron is now trying out for professional football teams and writes a blog for the Lubbock paper. Read his story... he is brave and sensitive in sharing his story (and a great writer)
http://lubbockonline.com/sports/2011-04-15/batch-my-story-batch-looks-back-tough-youth-shaped-his-hopeful-future?v=1302912499

My gorgeous flowers from the sweet new boyfriend!

The line-up for Free Press Summer Frest--I'm proud for Houston :)

http://www.freepresssummerfest.com/

All these new babies in my friends' lives!

Movin' On

Things were going so smoothly until an hour ago! I had the exact amount of boxes needed for packing, the movers were scheduled, the power and gas are on at the new place. Then, when I texted the movers to ask if they're having trouble finding my place, I found out that their "first move of the day was taking longer than expected." I doubt they really had a move scheduled before 9:00am, and they really forgot about me. Not a huge deal. I could take some time to get coffee and do a little work while I wait a couple more hours for them.

I got in my car (that I had just moved 20 minutes before), and it wouldn't start! Luckily, the shop around the corner said they can get to it today.

Bigger things in the world. Hoping the rest of it doesn't get snagged up!

My Favorite Memories of 2010

In the swimming pool, Collin and Tyler waltzed together in preparation for the wedding reception. Sweet and so funny.

Spending two blissfully fun weeks in Argentina with Tiffany.

Becca is my sister-in-law! So glad she's part of our family now!

Becoming friends with Jean when I needed her help for a work project. Finding friends in the ordinary (but often unpursued) places.

Tyler getting sober and moving to Austin. Seeing him happy, growing, and doing things his own way.

Practicing dating! Not always fun, but I feel like I'm inching closer to balancing wholeheartedness and healthy boundaries. Also, realizing that break-ups after short term relationships are much less painful than after a four year (sad, miserable, frustrating, unnecessarily long) relationship.

Sitting on a Mexican blanket with Tricia watching Carrie Rodriguez stomp and sing her heart out in a little yoga studio.

My grandparents, who after more than 70 years of living, confront their own discomfort by starting to routinely tell us they love us. I've always known it, felt it, seen it, but every time I hear it coming out of their mouths now I am reminded that we can always keep growing.

Cleaning the yoga studio in return for unlimited free classes. Love this part of my days!

Getting to know our Wednesday night kids better--gratitude for their willingness to share painful struggles (and to share what I learned from my own painful childhood experiences). Love that they keep coming back, and that we get to spend time together getting closer to God, sharing questions, and becoming friends. Also, so appreciative of Sara and James!

My Uncle Randy who went to Haiti over and over again to provide medical care and social help to people who are without houses, mothers without places to give birth to babies, children without moms or dads living alone in the streets. He lost his job as a result. He was brave enough to open his heart to the overwhelming pain that left the rest of us turning off our televisions because we couldn't handle witnessing the suffering people are experiencing.

Blah

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. Today, I slept til 9:30. This two week break could not come any sooner! For the most part, I like the kind of work I do. I feel lucky that I've been able to identify what I'm passionate about and to end up in a much better place than I would have expected at 25 without a graduate degree. Sometimes, though, I let the bad, frustrating things take over. One of my goals for 2011 is to find a mentor(s). Seriously lacking area in my life.

My family is going to San Antonio for Christmas, staying in a fancy old hotel and doing grown up things like eating nice meals and going to the Tuna Christmas play on Christmas evening. This is a good (after so much sad and worrisome) time for our family. Thank God for doing bigger things than I could ever "fix"!

After our vacation, I'm coming back to Houston and will have (for the first time) a whole week off in town. I am so, so looking forward to this. To sleep, to take care of my body, to spend time with friends, to do all of the little things I've been putting off for months, to spend time in quiet reflection for the coming year, to do fun things. This will be my time to hit re-set and start fresh.

Honey, Let me Bring You Joy

I love the coziness of Fall! I've been going back to these things over and over the last few weeks--they're bringing me joy, ideas to ponder, and lightness.

Brene Brown's blog
http://www.ordinarycourage.com
Seriously, take a look. She's a Social Work professor at UH where she studies shame and perfectionism. Her blog is a mix of reflection on her research and stories about her life. For me, it has been really thought-provoking. I usually don't think of myself as a perfectionist. Making a bad grade has never freaked me out. Being a little messy is okay with me. But, I'm now realizing that my "perfectionism" comes through in other ways. Brene links vulnerability and perfectionism. For me this shows up in not being completely comfortable with people, not acting like my true self, not being honest about how I feel, not taking the risk to be silly, when I'm afraid that someone won't approve of what I'm doing. Weird how that works, huh?

I'm liking this music from a Speaking of Faith episode about Jewish High Holy Days, especially the Rivers of Babylon and Leonard Cohen ones. I really appreciate music that helps my mind calm down and get to a place of peace.
http://being.publicradio.org/programs/2010/days-of-awe/#musicalscore

White Teeth by Zadie Smith. Set in England but with several immigrants, light-hearted, characters you enjoy getting know, a little history, a good escape.

What are you enjoying?

Fair Indigo Clothes

Our girl Brandy told me about Fair Indigo a while back, and I wanted to share some of their pretty fair-trade clothes with you on this grey (please, please be Fall soon) afternoon!

Man, I can't get their pictures on here! But... I promise, there are some pretty things, and the descriptions tell you about the people who sewed them.

Cute cotton/cashmere sweater with a little pocket on sale for $29.95 http://www.fairindigo.com/cproduct_info.php/fair_trade/Women_Sale/product_name/Cotton_Cashmere_Pocket_Crew_Sweater/products_id/205

Pretty velvet blazer in jewel tones for $39.50 (on sale from $139!)
http://www.fairindigo.com/cproduct_info.php/fair_trade/Women_Jackets/product_name/Velvet_Unconstructed_Jacket/products_id/35

Hooded angora sweater for $32.50
http://www.fairindigo.com/cproduct_info.php/fair_trade/Women_Sale/product_name/Viscose_Angora_Hoodie_Pullover_Sweater/products_id/406

Do y'all have any good sweatshop-free clothing sources?

Always, Sometimes, Never

I always...
Like listening to music while doing monotonous tasks
Hit snooze before getting up, at least once
Love talking to my mom on the phone
Read www.designsponge.com at some point during my work day
Read Modern Love in the NY Times on the weekend

I sometimes...
Remember to water my plants after work
Like staying home by myself on Friday evening
Would rather be with a bunch of people having fun on a Friday night
Leave my dishes in the sink for a couple of days

I never...
Regret moving to Houston after college
Take naps in the day unless I'm sick
Remember to call to get my desk picked up for donation
Am good at sports or anything that takes much coordination

Yum!

Do you guys read the Chocolate and Zucchini blog? Sometimes, I like her!

She had a list of podcasts about food recently, and I totally like this one called Good Food http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/gf

There's a cute host, lots of on-site interviews with chefs and people who love food. I say, check it out if you're in the mood. Ooh... they just said ricotta blueberry pancake. It's makin' me hungry!

Compassion Fatigue

I'm working this afternoon, tedious things to catch up on like updating calendars for my volunteer teams. It feels as if every single podcast has been listened to, every single musician I can think of is worn out, so I finally began this week's episode of Speaking of Faith. I'd been putting it off because it's about the environment and faith, something I care deeply about, but I couldn't find the energy to listen to. So, I reluctantly pushed play and about 10 minutes in realized what a bad idea it was.

The man being interviewed, who I'm sure is brilliant and inspiring, said the words "compassion fatigue," and my ears perked up. That is exactly how I feel right now. When people ask me how work is going, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it, and it's hard for me to verbalize the layered feelings I have toward it. It seems like every single thing that could go wrong in the world is, and I'm such a little part of the world and can't fix it. But knowing that these problems exist weighs heavy on your soul. I chose the career I did because I want to help people, and I want to do something about the injustices of the world. Colleagues and workshops are constantly warning about burn out. I'm feeling it.

I'm trying really hard to put into practice the concept from yoga of focusing on the moment at hand and what we can actually do at the time. I'm trying to enjoy the quiet while driving in my car, the taste of food I eat, the time with friends and family I spend, the moments with God in prayer. I can't fix everything. Thinking like that wrongfully takes that power from the divine and puts it in my hands. There are little pieces I can work hard to help with.

Some people have learned how to balance very gracefully family and friends and their own well-being with a life's work focused on helping, and I want to learn to do this better. A man I really admire who works so hard to build affordable housing said, "If I only focus on taking care of the community that is hurting, I'm creating another one at home."

So, I'm going to listen to a podcast about food now as I update calendars. And, not one about food politics or food sustainability or what food is bad for us.

Catalog Living

This blog was featured on www.younghouselove.com and it's so funny! And... the woman who writes it is in the Sonic commercials.

http://catalogliving.tumblr.com/

Summer Music!

In the summer, I like raw vegetables and cold dinners. In college, after walking home from school or work I would have a popsicle to cool off and then munch on guacamole or salsa and chips or hummus for dinner--no hot and heavy meals when it's so steamy outside! I like my music on the lighter side during summertime, too! Here's what I've been listening to...

Vampire Weekend--the Horchata and Cousins songs are my favorites right now
http://www.myspace.com/vampireweekend

Local Natives--I missed seeing them a few weeks ago when they were in town, but I bet it would have been a fun show!
http://www.myspace.com/localnatives

Mason Jennings--I've loved this guy for so long, and he keeps me smiling!
http://www.myspace.com/masonjennings

K'Naan--such a beautiful person. He was a child soldier in Africa, ended up being adopted by an American, and is so talented!
http://knaanmusic.ning.com/

ALSO, John Prine and Iris Dement's In Spite of Ourselves--so funny http://www.myspace.com/johnprine

That's all for now! Yay for summer!

People

Man, people are great. I've been reading a book called Loneliness for work--it's written by a neurological researcher who studies the concept of loneliness. The senior organizations I work with come together to plan their outcomes measurement for their programs, and one thing they found is that the 60 - 65 year olds in their programs felt more lonely than people who are older. This might seem contrary to what you would assume since younger seniors tend to be more active and have the ability to get out and socialize more. So, we were a little confounded but had some ideas about why this might be the case. They were measuring how the older adults felt about being lonely, not using some objective measurement like how many hours in a day they spent with other people or how many friends they had who were still living. I went to Chicago in March for the national Aging in America conference and attended a presentation that the author of the Loneliness book did. During the question and answer period I brought up this example of our survey and asked if he had any thoughts on why this could be. After all, the nonprofits don't want any of their seniors to feel lonely or isolated. Dr. Cacioppo's response confirmed our hypothesis--younger seniors are used to working most of their adult lives, used to being around an office full of coworkers and having lives where they knew what was to be expected every day when they woke up. So, the issue is probably two-fold--1. that the seniors' expectation of what "normal" is changes as they adapt to retirement, and 2. that with time people find new activities and a group of friends. One point Dr. Cacioppo rellay emphasizes is the difference between loneliness and depression--people can experience both simultaneously, but loneliness is a physically and chemically different thing.

I think a really interesting point that the book makes is that humans have developed to be social creatures--that tens of thousands of years ago, you couldn't survive very long as a loner. You needed people to go hunting with, people who would help you gather, people who would protect you from enemies and animals. Those people who for some reason avoided others would end up dying younger and were less likely to reproduce. Now, our lives are not so dangerous--people with mental illness and other problems can live their entire lives isolated from other people if they choose. But, we still have an innate need to be around other people, to live in community. Our brains work against us when we start to feel lonely, though. When we are hungry, we have a desire to eat. When we are thirsty, we have a desire to drink. When we are lonely, we naturally become less self-confident and more likely to retreat into ourselves. This natural reaction works against what we really need, and it takes effort to make ourselves not do the easy or more comfortable thing in this situation. It is only by making ourselves be around people and seek out opportunities to be around other people that we can overcome our loneliness.

Anyway, sometimes I need to remind myself how wonderful people are. How good most people are. How much I have to learn from other people. How full of joy and love and God are my fellow humans. So, thanks for being a human in my life :)

PS, I think this project is such a fun idea, and I plan to participate in the One Day On Earth video project http://www.onedayonearth.org/

I found out about it from this really cool human who is a step-father to a little boy with a disability whose blog I read for work http://pacingthepanicroom.blogspot.com/

But What Do You Do?

As a follow up to the article I posted below, I want to talk about what you can do when you see a homeless person in need of help. In the case below, the very obvious thing would have been to call 9-1-1, but in most situations the person is not literally bleeding to death on the sidewalk in front of you.

For several weeks, every morning on my way to work I passed a homeless woman pushing her baby in a shopping cart in my neighborhood. Something was blatantly wrong with the situation--the baby was very young, and the mother could have stayed in an emergency shelter. I passed them by every day for weeks, and the image still fills my heart with guilt. I chose to not do anything for very selfish reasons--fear, discomfort, being too busy, not knowing how to help. All of those things were completely unacceptable--they were selfish, they were about me.

If you're in Houston and you see someone who is homeless and might need help, there is a very simple thing you can do.

SEARCH Homeless Services provides case management and helps people who are homeless access needed services like housing, medical care, mental health care, substance abuse treatment, food, and clothing. They are the experts--I don't know what to do other than hand someone a bag of food and some clean socks, but the social workers at SEARCH are trained to work with people who are experiencing homelessness and help them in a very meaningful way.

They have an Outreach Team that drives around in a bright green van connecting with people who are homeless and letting them know there is a place where they can get help, and transporting them if that is a need.

You can call on someone's behalf by dialing their helpline--713-739-7752

You can also print out these cards and hand them to people you encounter http://www.searchhomeless.org/ResourceCard.pdf

Please don't use "not knowing what to do" as an excuse to not see those who are in plain view.